Beguiled

What is it to be beguiled? The dictionary meaning is to charm or enchant, often in a deceptive way. 

When I took this shot, the only word that came to mind was beguiled. 

It wasn't only that the scene held so much more than I could see in front of me. There is no visible horizon, the sea and sky meld into one. But my senses of course tell me that there is so much more there than I can see. There are thousands of sea creatures, rocks, plants and debris from many shipwrecks are sunk far beneath the waves throughout the world. 

So I began to think about myself. What is there that lies beneath my skin that no one can see, that only I know of. There is a whole life hidden inside me, as there is with everyone. I have a lifetime of memories, a lifetime of skills, a lifetime of knowing people and places. Then I wonder, where am I now? If I have all that life experience, what am I doing with it and should I be doing more with it? 

                                                            BEGUILED

I have chosen to live a quiet life. I go to work and in my job I meet hundreds of people every week. Because of this, I don't feel the need to socialise very much. I get tired and I crave peace and quiet. I enjoy going for walks, taking my camera with me, to soak up all of nature from trees to sea. I love being out in the fresh air, I don't care what the weather is like. I love the sunshine and I love the wind and the rain. Everything is alive and everything is forever new. Nature is full of changes so I am never bored. I shoot photographs of whatever attracts my eye and my senses of any given day. 

I haven't answered my question because I'm not sure that I can. I do sometimes feel that I should do more in my community. I love to sing and I attend a singing workshop; there are events like the Cor Pawb (singing for everyone) days that I love going along too. The sound a hundred voices makes is an emotional and uplifting experience, it is beautiful, spiritual and magical. 

I have volunteered some of my time trying to find something I enjoy doing so that I can meet like minded people and maybe make new friends. But so far I haven't found the right voluntary work to do. 

I have tried to persuade myself to make a new project, to motivate myself, but even when I do, my confidence lets me down and I don't let anyone see it. And then I give up.

I read an article on Niume this morning about setting small goals for yourself. It was good advice and maybe that is what I need to do. I had forgetten that achievable goals are what I should aim for. Its ok to be quiet. Its ok to enjoy my own company. But its no ok to lock myself away when I really do have experience that I could share with others. It is part of life TO BE part of life.