As 2013 comes to a close .....

The sky is dark grey
The sun has left for today, to rise again tomorrow.
This now, old year comes to a close, tomorrow a new year will begin......

All endings are beginnings, all beginnings are endings ... I don't remember who said that... Shakespeare? Maybe ....

I'm not a great fan of New Year's Eve, for me it's always a time of reflection. Thinking about what has been and what is yet to come.

This past year has been a total mixture of everything, happy times, disappointments, family times, transitions, actively leaving the past behind, searching for a new future, moving home, enjoying nature and all life's simplicity, shunning old habits, getting rid of the clutter both physical and mentally .... as the year ends I'm feeling quite tired, but always hopeful that the future will bring good things, meaningful times, love and friendships....

I will be starting a new job in January, I'm nervous, I want it to be the right path for me. My three words for 2014 are confidence, caring and creativity. I want to rid myself of the anxiety I often feel about life itself, caring for people will be a big part of my new path, and it is vital that I find that creative spark inside me once again. It has been missing for these past few months, but its my creativity that gives me peace, happiness and a sense of self worth. Caring for those who need a little help will be good for me; I hope that I in turn can bring a little light into their lives.

Who knows what will have taken place by the end of 2014. My destiny is of my own doing, only I can make things happen and I sincerely hope that I do.

Christmas Light

A walk on the beach .......

Building a Website

I've spent many hours today building a new website on Weebly.com. It has several more options now, the site has been enormously improved. It wasn't any good a few months ago because as a photographer I basically just need to showcase my work. But I can do that now, and it has a store option where I can sell my work.

Its not easy though. Probably more to do with my lack of website building skills than that of Weebly. As I said I've been building my site for hours. Uploading images doesn't take too long, but its getting the right aesthetics, the right words, the right information... I know that the more I use it the easier it will become. And the best thing for me right now is that its Free. You can pay to upgrade but the free site is more than adequate for my needs.

a LINK to my website ..... not yet finished or polished as it were ... but at least a start! 

http://penelopedaviesart.weebly.com/

Its absolutely awful outside today so this is a good day to stay indoors where its warm, dry and cosy. It would have been even better if there was a good film on the TV instead of the usual over sentimental American movies that Channel 5 dish out every day ...Yawn!

I do need a break from my website building so I may delve into the Robert Goddard novel that I've just started  called Fault Line.Caught in the Light. It did jump around a bit, but I was hooked and unable to put it down.

Book Covers found on Google Books Search

 

I've only read one of his books previously, which I thoroughly enjoyed called

On the other hand, I do have Christmas Presents looking at me that need wrapping!

Memories of Loved Ones at Christmas

Christmas is always a time to remember those who are no longer here with us to celebrate. Sadly there are many family members and friends that I miss, not only at Christmas, but all year around. But there is something more poignant about their absence at Christmas. The anniversary of many of their deaths is around Christmas and New Year. My mother, my eldest brother, my friends Oscar, Yvonne, Neil, David, and Enfys, all taken from us between December 4th and January 12th. So they are all very much in my heart and my thoughts at this time. And also my Dad who left us in March 2010.

I'm not a good story teller and the memories I'm going to share here probably wont read well but they are my special memories and I want to remember loved ones today ...

My mother left me with 101 happy memories, probably many more if I could remember them.

Mam 1972 playing the organ at Begelly Arms, West Wales

But the overwhelming sense I have of her is her inability to control her attacks of the giggles. She had a wicked sense of humour, and was also the butt of many a practical joke carried out by my youngest brother. She would break into a fit of the giggles at the most inappropriate times. Once a male singer came to our home for an audition. Mam was a pianist for a concert party called "Adar Y Banc." I dont remember why she had a fit of the giggles, or what it was about this man that made her shake with laughter, I just remember her shoulders shaking, her unsuccessful efforts to try and stop laughing, and when the man left, seemingly quite unaware of the effect he had had on my mother and all of us, Mam literally fell off her chair because of her uncontrollable giggles. I can remember leaving the room while the man was singing unable to cope with my own growing need to burst into laughter. I still smile at the memory. I can see her and hear her as if she were in the room with me now. It will be 29 years since she had to leave us.

My Dad ....

I'm not sure when this was taken, (1940's/50's) or who my dad is with ...

Me and my Dad in our garden at home, superimposed with the above picture

.... before starting school, I would spend every minute possible with my Dad...on rare occassions as a treat, sitting high up in the Milk Lorry he drove for work, collecting the milk churns from the farms in West Wales, standing up on the back seat of the car going to collect my sister Elizabeth from school, in the garden helping to plant and nurture the many fruits and vegetables he grew there, collecting apples and pears from our orchards .... these are amazing memories that I cherish now and will for evermore. My dad lived a long life and passed away in 2010. He missed my mother after her death in 1985, he worried constantly about all of us, his children, and he lived as full a life as he could. Only when illness overcame him and he could no longer do all the things he enjoyed doing, I think then he gave up.

This is all for today .... I'll share memories of friends another day ..........

A little bit of Christmas ...

Decorating the Christmas Tree has never been one of my greatest gifts ... It always ends up looking a little haphazzard but still its sparkly....its the effort that counts isn't it! A couple of weeks ago I made the cake, I think I may have left it in the over a bit too long, but I'm hoping that I haven't burned it and that it wont affect the taste too much! Today I've covered it in marzipan in preparation for the icing next weekend. 

Mobile pics .....

 

I'm excited to see both my children who will be arriving on the 21st December....it will be so lovely to spend Christmas with them ...cant wait :)

Tranquility

Today I am blessed with a feeling of peace and tranquility. How long it will last it doesn't really matter because it is how I feel now, in this moment. I'm sitting here looking out on the estuary, watching the waves constant movement, the wind is singing in my ears and nothing else matters .... now.

I've shot a few images with my film and digital cameras but haven't been able to develop the film yet. I have three films patiently waiting in the fridge to be sent off.

I took my digital camera with me when I visited a friend, I wandered around her wild garden enjoying the colours everywhere, and experimenting with some abstract images. I enjoyed just being in the moment. We have been given a reprieve in the temperature, summer is not quite done yet.

Gwen, my friend's dog raised her little head and forlornly asked to be taken for a walk. We walked a mile or so up the hill surrounded by the still green trees, dappling light and the sound of the river. It was a delight.

A Collage ...

A few more ...

Parov Stelar - Chambermaid Swing (Doc-Terry's Video Club Mix) HD (+playl...

Ceibwr Bay

Me and my sister enjoying an afternoon at Ceibwr Bay, Cardigan.

The Time Traveller's Wife

Image source for Book Cover http://wps.greenwichcsd.org/librarymediacenter/files/2012/11/The-Time-Travelers-Wife-Co.jpg


I'm an avid reader, anything from the classics to modern romantic novels. I read The Time Traveller's Wife for the second time. Its very rare that I read any book more than once, (except for some classics), but  this summer I've been reading lots of books that are "easy to read" such as Joanne Trollope, Susan Lewis and Trisha Ashley. Summer reading.

I read The Time Traveller's Wife in 2004, and lately it had been catching my eye, and I thought well actually, I don't remember this story I'll give it another go. I enjoyed it more this time I think, I'm not sure why except that it struck a chord with me. I found it poignant and touching, and I related to the characters. I sympathised with Claire because she spent her whole life waiting for Henry, the man she loved. And I loved Henry's character because he wasn't perfect, he struggled with his time travelling life, he suffered because of his time travelling life, and there was a deep sadness in him which gave the story its emotion and depth.

I guess the romantic in me enjoyed the story of true love, to love no other despite all the heartache.

Grey clouds, blue sky and scattered white clouds ....

Mobile images ....

Apples from my sister's garden

I've been searching for vacancies on line today, as I do most days, and made two applications. Neither were for teaching posts, but I have to try and secure some kind of work to supplement my studies, and sign off from the job seekers allowance, as I really don't like signing on at all. And besides, the job seekers allowance isn't enough to live on, my budget is so tight, it leaves nothing for emergencies, actually it hardly supports my food costs! The sooner I get a job the better. Someone has to employ me ...please!

My sister had brought me some delicious apples from her garden, so feeling rather peckish, I decided to stew some and have them with custard. Wow! They were divine! They had a pinkish tinge inside which made them even more scrummy. 

Stewed Apples .. my treat of the day!

Good News ...and Intriguing Shapes

I received some good news today. I have been accepted on the PGCE Course at Coleg Sir Gar in Carmarthen, and the college have offered me some teaching experience on a voluntary basis. This is so great because I need 3 hours teaching practise a week to be on the course. I'm hoping that I will be able to impress them, and in time, who knows, they may offer my a paid teaching post. But the wonderful thing is that I'm on the right path, and being on the course and having teaching experience will help me enormously when I'm applying for any teaching vacancies. I'm excited.

After completing my BA (Hons) I didn't think that I would want to undertake any more studying, but actually I'm really looking forward to the PGCE because I really want to teach, and this is a qualification that has been a recognised teaching qualification for a very long time. It's my best option and now I feel my future looks brighter.

I wanted to add an image because I'm a visual person and I'm trying to figure out a new project. I was inspired to look again at images that didn't work for whatever reason.  This is an image that's gone wrong in the developing stage, but holds some interest for me though I'm not sure why! It was taken in November 2011. There is a car to the left, but its the two black shapes that interest me and to the right on the bottom of the picture there appears a shape that look like a nose. Its probably of no interest to anyone else but the abstract nature of the shapes intrigue me!

Black and White Shapes

A Walk after Sunset ....

The Big Swim

Every year on August 31st swimmers cross the estuary from Ferryside to Llansteffan and back again. The currents here are pretty strong so respect to all those who took part.

  One of the swimmers at the finish line

The crowd watching and waiting to applaud the swimmers as they finish their Big Swim

The Film that Lived Twice

I accidentally put a 35mm film through my camera twice. I kinda like the results. Since finishing my BA (Hons) at university this year, I felt that I wanted to take a break from photography. But since I found Owen Martin's work on Linkedin yesterday, I've been inspired to be creative again. I also haven't been feeling too good lately and being creative always helps. The images I've uploaded are my way of beginning to delve into the recesses of my mind to form an idea for a new project. These images may eventually have no bearing on the final concept, but I have to start somewhere and this is as good a place as any.  

I'm wondering if these relate in some way to my life as it has evolved over this past year. They are a little confusing to look at, they have lots of detail, having put the film through the camera twice the pictures are right way up and upside down. Relating this to my life, I have moved after living in Plymouth for 26 years, this has been more stressful than I thought it would be. I did my final year of the BA in Swansea and missed the college and my friends in Plymouth. The dissertation was very difficult to write though I achieved my highest grade of the year for it. My daughter moved to Wales with me but she decided to move back to Plymouth and I miss her. Taking everything into account, I think that yes maybe, these pictures have unintentionally played out the story of my subconscious.

I like the mixture of colours ... the top one is a view of Tenby and some flowers from a garden that has formed a picture of my home surroundings. I am fortunate to live near the sea and be surrounded by countryside.

A Welsh Sweet shop in Tenby relate to my love of sweet things(!) and the choices and decisions I have to make. In this image I like that the sky is at the bottom and looks like the people are walking on it.

There's an organic feel to the third picture. A table and an apple tree. My love of food especially freshly grown organic food.

Inspired

One of my contacts on Linkedin is Owen Martin a Photographer and Director of Creu Media. On his profile he has some 35mm images that he says

"for this project I have been going through my 35mm and scanning any images that had gone wrong in some way, either in the camera or during processing. I digitised the images using a dedicated film scanner."


Here is a link to Owen's Photography website
 http://www.owenmartinphotography.com/index.html#.UiBbRTY3uSo

Owen inspired me to look at some images I'd shot on 35mm and 120mm that had "gone wrong" or had in some way been "happy accidents." Its one of the reasons I find using film so much more interesting than using a Digital camera. With film you never quite know what your going to get. Its a wait and see process and hoping that some shots will be effective, and in my case, show the intuitive and emotional response to the landscape, or in whatever genre I'm photographing. My favourite images are those that are a bit quirky or abstract.

Here are some images that "went wrong" at some stage ... shot on 120mm film

This is a view of the coastline in my home village in West Wales. I like the fact that it is out of focus and that in the developing stage it has resulted in an uneven texture. It was shot in the early evening so the colours have a brownish red hue.

This is a shot of branches reflected in water, underexposure resulted in a deep blue colour and the line of "bubbles" on the right of the image was repeated on the whole film so was either light getting into the camera or an error when developing, I'm not sure. 

An image of the sunset that I've underexposed and unintentially shot out of focus. The rainbow effect of the light enters the camera at an unusual angle. 

I haven't used any of these images to show before, and I have many that "didn't work" for the projects they were intended for. But Owen inspired me to look again at the many images that for one reason or another didn't work or weren't good enough to use. But I do like them, its the beauty of film. Sometimes images that don't work are the most interesting ... at least to me!

Head V Heart

With pressure from the job centre to apply for work, my head and heart are in conflict. I want to work, like everyone I need to pay my bills, but I'm struggling to hold on to my vision and my goal to persevere until I get what I want .... a teaching post.

Having just completed four years of study as a mature student and achieving a BA(Hons), I don't want to waste all that hard work and perseverance, by accepting any job that I may be offered. I was employed in various companies doing clerical and admin work for many years, many of those were filled with boredom and despair. Although I have 5 years experience teaching in the Post 16 sector, my teaching certificates are now out of date. Before I can embark on a new teaching career I have to study for Level 3 - 5 certificates. I've sent a few CV's and filled in application forms for the Adult Tutor vacancies that I've found so far, but I've had no response.  I feel pressurised into applying for any job and it is quite stressful.

Today I had an interview with a firm of Solicitors. The interview went well but I don't want the job if I am offered it. My heart slumps when I think of the work I would have to do. The solicitor, the firm and the people there were friendly and welcoming, my feelings are not a reflection on them. Its just that I know if I accepted a job like this, it would lead to depression. Depression because I would not be following my heart to work in Education, to follow my dreams, to work in a role that I know would bring great rewards on a personal level. Teaching is a vocation for me; I'm a good teacher and it is where I should be. There is a deep feeling within me that feels like destiny. I may not spend the rest of my life teaching, it may lead my to other opportunities. But at this moment in time, it is what I know is right for me.

Of course being in the middle of the Summer Holiday for Schools and Colleges, my hands are tied. I have to wait until September before I can start learning for the Teaching Certificates that I need. But I am determined that I will follow my heart. I am committed to my vision. It is important to enjoy and be fulfilled in life. In the past I've learned the hard way and ignored my intuition, but I wont do it again. I have to stay positive and believe that I will achieve my goals.

Writing a Blog can be very useful! I have convinced myself to follow my dreams ... that can only be a good thing!

A couple of small 35mm cameras

My friend let me borrow a 35mm Camera (Fujicam 605) that belonged to her father.... here are a few of the results ...

Ferryside, West Wales

... and here are a few of Tenby that I shot on my 35mm Olympus Zoom

Five Arches, Tenby

 North Beach, Tenby

View of Caldy Island from South Beach, Tenby

South Beach, Tenby