Head V Heart

With pressure from the job centre to apply for work, my head and heart are in conflict. I want to work, like everyone I need to pay my bills, but I'm struggling to hold on to my vision and my goal to persevere until I get what I want .... a teaching post.

Having just completed four years of study as a mature student and achieving a BA(Hons), I don't want to waste all that hard work and perseverance, by accepting any job that I may be offered. I was employed in various companies doing clerical and admin work for many years, many of those were filled with boredom and despair. Although I have 5 years experience teaching in the Post 16 sector, my teaching certificates are now out of date. Before I can embark on a new teaching career I have to study for Level 3 - 5 certificates. I've sent a few CV's and filled in application forms for the Adult Tutor vacancies that I've found so far, but I've had no response.  I feel pressurised into applying for any job and it is quite stressful.

Today I had an interview with a firm of Solicitors. The interview went well but I don't want the job if I am offered it. My heart slumps when I think of the work I would have to do. The solicitor, the firm and the people there were friendly and welcoming, my feelings are not a reflection on them. Its just that I know if I accepted a job like this, it would lead to depression. Depression because I would not be following my heart to work in Education, to follow my dreams, to work in a role that I know would bring great rewards on a personal level. Teaching is a vocation for me; I'm a good teacher and it is where I should be. There is a deep feeling within me that feels like destiny. I may not spend the rest of my life teaching, it may lead my to other opportunities. But at this moment in time, it is what I know is right for me.

Of course being in the middle of the Summer Holiday for Schools and Colleges, my hands are tied. I have to wait until September before I can start learning for the Teaching Certificates that I need. But I am determined that I will follow my heart. I am committed to my vision. It is important to enjoy and be fulfilled in life. In the past I've learned the hard way and ignored my intuition, but I wont do it again. I have to stay positive and believe that I will achieve my goals.

Writing a Blog can be very useful! I have convinced myself to follow my dreams ... that can only be a good thing!